Let’s start at the beginning. Because to be honest, that was only 4 months ago. This whole “thing” has not been a long, well executed, elaborately planned episode at all. It’s been a bit mental. A bit of a whirlwind. Like my life at present.
Why: To use a overused but appropriate idiom, currently we are like are 2 grown-up ships and a little mini-ship (a yacht??) that pass in the night. Ben and I. And our 2.5 year old son Zakir. We’re not even in the same city on the same day. Ben commutes to London on the days that I work from home in Brighton*and when I work in the office in London, he is based out of his company’s Brighton office. And like so many of our friends, each day, we’re away from home for over 12 hours.
Our son Zaki is growing up so fast. He has to start school in 18 months.HOW. DID THAT. HAPPEN?? He comes home from nursery, where he’s there 4 days a week from 8am-6pm with new songs, and vocabulary and ideas and talks about meadows and rockets and knows Christmas stuff that we have not taught him and its all great but we’re missing it. We’re missing seeing it all happen. We just get the remnants after the event. I got a taster for the wonder of kids when I decorated the Christmas tree (yup, sorry, he’s 2.5 yrs old, I just don’t think his version of decoration will do) and he came in to the room when the lights went on and he saw the tree ….”woooo mama look! look at the lights!” It was pretty awesome (yes, that awful American word is most appropriate here – he was in awe of the lights).
Life’s too short. That’s it really. We all know it but we rarely act upon it. I have seen and experienced enough shit and trauma to know that you don’t get a second chance. So we’re going to live in it a little bit more. And live in the present. And all that other stuff. Because sometimes here, my mind gets soooooo fuzzy and overwhelmed with Things To Do. How to Be. What to Have. It’s relentless.
I recently got diagnosed with a little heart issue. It’s not a biggie (apart from not being able to drink alcohol and have caffeine for the forseeable future which is fucking catastrophic), but I get symptoms that get worse when stressed or anxious or when I do crazy intense exercise or hot yoga (….so there goes the remainder of my annual yoga membership and all pre-travel HITT training I was planning).
SOOOOO taking a break from this all seems to make so much sense right now. To re-evaluate and all dat. And you know, we’re going to places that have banana milkshakes on tap. I love banana milkshakes. More than life itself. BOOM.
*ok Hove – am just going to say Brighton to collectively refer to the city that I live in. Ok? Hove-ites – back off, you know I love it.